God saved my life and he did it through Promise of Hope; and this is what happened. I had a pretty good childhood. The only thing that really sticks out in my mind is my parents getting a divorce when I was 7. I was born in Marietta , GA and lived in Austell until my parents divorced. I still have memories of my dad leaving and I still deal with feelings of abandonment. I have to be careful not to confuse feelings of hurt with playing the “victim,” which I learned at Promise of Hope.

     After my parents divorced my dad asked my mom to please move from Atlanta so we moved to Dublin where my mom is from. My mom worked really hard to give me what I wanted and I learned how to manipulate her and everyone else in my life to get what I wanted. I did pretty well in school. I didn't want to be in the “smart crowd” so I stopped trying to do my best and started just getting by. I really wanted to be in the popular crowd so that was my goal for a long time. I have always seemed to find my self worth in other people. I always felt less than if I wasn't in the so-called spotlight. I started drinking in high school on the weekends with my friends. It wasn't an every weekend thing. I also did that in college. Drugs were in my high school but I never tried them then. I was very active in the band and majorettes. I have always had a very bubbly personality and tried to be every ones friend. I have always also had a lot of energy so it is really no surprise that my drugs of choice gave me energy.

     I got married when I was 21 and had my daughter when I was 22. We had a happy family I felt like at the time. My husband was a wonderful father in his way and husband. I had my son when I was 29. I was teaching aerobics at that time period in my life so I was taking diet pills. Besides some alcohol that was my first drug, Ephedrine. I just learned by being at Promise of Hope that I was born with the disease of addiction. Even before I put the drug in I was displaying some of the character defects. I had sort of a hard time with my son's birth so I was given a lot of pain medicine after.

     I didn't take a lot of it right away. Things started bothering me or people would start bothering me and I quickly learned that those pain pills made everything seem better. It got to where I couldn't do anything without some chemical in my body. I doctor shopped, lied, had surgeries I probably didn't need and stole pills from other people who really needed them.

     This went on for 2 years. In 2002 my family had an intervention and I went to detox and on to a 30 day program from there. I put all the blame for my drug use on my husband. I had this picture of the “perfect marriage” in my head and because mine was normal and I convinced everyone including my counselor at detox that it was my husbands fault. When I went to the 30 day treatment center I met someone there and my life took a down hill slide. I came home and divorced my husband and ended up loosing my children because I found a new drug, cocaine. The guy from the 30 day place introduced me to it and I fell in love. I had always considered myself a good mother. I was until I put the drugs in front of my children and my entire family. I lost my home, had to file bankruptcy and ended up living with my parents at the age of 32. I still thought I had it going on because I had a job where I was back in the spotlight. The only problem was that my drugs were out of control. I stole money, time, and worst of all my children's childhood.

      My bottom came when not only was I using cocaine and drinking but I was back on pain pills and having to do very bad things to support my habits. On March 4, 2004 I headed to Savannah not really knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. I wanted to die but I was also scared to die. I was sick of being me. I had hit a brick wall. I didn't know where to turn or who to turn to. I walked up and down River Street crying and scared. I called my mom and stepfather the next morning and said I needed help.

     They had tried to get me to go to long term before but I didn't “have a problem” or so I thought. I came home and my preacher had been on the phone with my parents the whole night I was gone. He went to Promise of Hope and got an application and met me at my mom's on March 5, 2004 . I filled it out and went and talked to the staff. My parents couldn't afford to pay because I had taken pretty much everything they had in one form or another.

     God was already at work. I was offered a scholarship bed. I went to detox and on March 10, 2004. I pulled up at a house and trailer in the middle of 2 cow pastures with all of these girls looking at me. I had a rough time at the beginning….of my own making. I never really had consequences for my actions because someone always bailed me out. Not at Promise of Hope. They love you with tough love. They taught me that God would meet me where I was at. They taught me how to live in my own skin. They showed me a new way to do things. I took little things for granted but POH taught me that it can be too easily taken away. They loved me when I was unlovable. I also learned to love without expecting anything in return. I made some really good friends there. They taught me about AA and NA. I graduated on December 6, 2004 . I now have my relationship with my family, children and husband back. Things are starting to really happen for me. I was told by the staff that the blessings come after the obedience. Every day is not easy but I learned that every day is a daily reprieve and all I have to do is “one day at a time”. I know that I can do anything through Christ which strengthens me. Promise of Hope saved my life and for that I will always be grateful.